Today on Craigslist: Carrots of the Gods (or something like that)

Heaven can be yours in this can of TENDER BABY carrots. You will never know ULTIMATE BLISS until you sink your teeth into these TENDER BABY JEWELS OF NATURE. This sealed can is from my private preserves of NATURES FOODS which are jealously hidden from prying eyes by 10 foot thick walls and a pair of the most ferocious attack dogs on the continent. But fear thee not--when you pick up this priceless treasure it will be left in the hands of the lobby attendant in my apartment house. No ferocious dogs to deal with. Let me know when thou art arriving and I will leave them in your name. ONLY ONE OF THESE CANS WIL BE GIVEN TO ONE LUCKY APPLICANT!!!!!!!!!!

More information is here. Actually, it's the same information I just gave you.

Get this man in a Tim Burton film

Did the NYPD target me for a joke?

Last night I was walking from the subway to my apartment in Brooklyn, something I obviously do every night and have done every night for over a year now. I had my phone out and was 'Tweeting' as the kids call it, and this car cop is driving alongside me as does the 'beep beep' thing. You know, not the actual horn, but when they have the mini-siren kind of sound. Not sure if that makes any sense, but it was that.

Anyway, I thought nothing of it and kept walking. I wasn't doing anything wrong. Then they did it again and I look over and they're beckoning me to come over to the car. I walk over and there were two cops. The conversation that ensued between the cop in the passenger seat and I can be seen after the jump.

Mormans.. Whoa those mormons!

Mormans are always good for a laugh one way or another. From the stories of my dad just getting home from working night crew with his buddies in the early morning and inviting the door-to-door mormons to watch porn and have a beer with them, to Dan Dieteman's dad's classy Sinatra-esque "Mormons" ditty, to Orgazmo's mormon-turned-superhero Joe Young, it's not hard to find amusement with the topic.

But now I'm finding something that takes the cake. As I type, dear reader, I sit on the subway surrounded by mormons. Not in the sense that I'm on a crowded train and I'm the only one not wearing black dress pants, white dress shirt and a tie, but there is a group of three sitting in a triangle formation communicating with sign language across the train.