Exclusive: DC Comics film slate revealed!

If you read about movies on the 'Net, surely you saw the release calendar for the Untitled DC Film movie series. A lot of people are skeptical Warner Brothers knows what these titles will actually be, but I have it on good authority that the timeline is pretty well planned and I have the whole scoop right here. Buckle your seatbelts!

August 5, 2016: Aquaman - Since it's been reported that Jason Momoa has signed on to play the titular character, it's a reasonable assumption that will be in this slot to help build toward...

June 23, 2017: Super Friends - We know that DC Entertainment is working toward a Justice League movie, and this is the version of the Justice League they're choosing. The idea is that they can beat Marvel at having more racially diverse heroes by introducing and then developing spin-off films for Black Vulcan, Apache Chief, El Dorado, and Samurai. In addition, the presence of Gleek will help create merchandise aimed at small children in spite of the fact it will be created in Zach Snyder's "dark, gritty, and speed-ramped" style.


November 17, 2017: Jonah Hex 2 - This is only here because DC is hoping they can distract Josh Brolin from his Avengers 3 duties.

March 23, 2018: The Death of Superman - Everybody wants to see one of the best-selling comic book storylines of all time realized on the big screen. Rumor has it Doomsday will be unleashed upon the world when returning fan favorite Gus Gorman's latest penny-fraction thieving scheme goes awry (rumor has it Anne Hathaway is in talks to play Gorman).

July 27, 2018: Welcome Back, Kotter  - Remember when DC published an ongoing Welcome Back, Kotter series? Warner Brothers sure does, and they recognize all of the hijinks The Sweathogs could get into with Gleek in Super Friends 2.

April 5, 2019: Superboy - Given the huge success of Guardians of the Galaxy it's only fit that DC Entertainment would develop an action comedy. This one will be based loosely on the storyline where Superboy moves to Hawaii, but will be a direct continuation of The Death of Superman in which Superboy and his raver friends pass off Superman's corpse as a party animal who is alive and well, a la Weekend at Bernie's.

June 14, 2019: Batmen - Releasing Doomsday from his cryogenic slumber wasn't the only goof that klutz Gus Gorman made in his scheme three movies ago. It seems when he tried to steal those penny fractions from LexCorp's bank accounts, he also opened a portal to many of the other 52 Earths in the Multiverse. And since Batman is a cash cow for WB, and we will not have seen him in a movie in a couple of years, we conveniently have all of the alternate earth Batmen running around (hence the title).

April 3, 2020: Gus Gorman: Computer Whiz - Finally - Gus gets the spotlight! He's caused a lot of mischief since his return to the DC Cinematic Universe, but in his very own feature film, he will atone for his crimes by teaming up with Ambush Bug to seal the Multiversal portals and bring Superman back to life. Just in time, too, because the Super Friends will face their biggest threat yet in...

June 19, 2020: Super Friends 2: The Goddamn Batmen - Even though Ben Affleck's Batman, Batman '66, and Val Kilmer's Batman all banded together in Batmen to thwart Earth 3's evil Owlman, an even bigger enemy remained on Earth Prime - the character's iteration from Frank Miller's All-Star Batman and Robin! Can the Super Friends stop The Goddamn Batman from mowing down police officers in his Batmobile, banging all the superhero babes like Black Canary without even giving them cab fare the next morning, and poisoning Green Lantern with lemonade?