Today on Craigslist: Carrots of the Gods (or something like that)

Heaven can be yours in this can of TENDER BABY carrots. You will never know ULTIMATE BLISS until you sink your teeth into these TENDER BABY JEWELS OF NATURE. This sealed can is from my private preserves of NATURES FOODS which are jealously hidden from prying eyes by 10 foot thick walls and a pair of the most ferocious attack dogs on the continent. But fear thee not--when you pick up this priceless treasure it will be left in the hands of the lobby attendant in my apartment house. No ferocious dogs to deal with. Let me know when thou art arriving and I will leave them in your name. ONLY ONE OF THESE CANS WIL BE GIVEN TO ONE LUCKY APPLICANT!!!!!!!!!!

More information is here. Actually, it's the same information I just gave you.

Get this man in a Tim Burton film

Did the NYPD target me for a joke?

Last night I was walking from the subway to my apartment in Brooklyn, something I obviously do every night and have done every night for over a year now. I had my phone out and was 'Tweeting' as the kids call it, and this car cop is driving alongside me as does the 'beep beep' thing. You know, not the actual horn, but when they have the mini-siren kind of sound. Not sure if that makes any sense, but it was that.

Anyway, I thought nothing of it and kept walking. I wasn't doing anything wrong. Then they did it again and I look over and they're beckoning me to come over to the car. I walk over and there were two cops. The conversation that ensued between the cop in the passenger seat and I can be seen after the jump.

I’d Really Like to See…The ’Watchmen’ Not Suck

This originally appeared as part of Zoom In Online's weekly "I'd Really Like to See..." blog series.



Editor's Note: This blog contains SPOILERS about the "Watchmen" comic and film.

If you know me and/or follow this feature on the site, you should be well aware that I’m a pretty big comic book geek. It only seems inevitable that I should have something to say about this week’s adaptation of Alan Moore’s "Watchmen." Now I wouldn’t say that the book introduced me to comics or changed the way I look at them, and I may not even consider "Watchmen" my favorite thing by Alan Moore (seriously, check out his work on "Swamp Thing"), but it’s an absolute masterpiece no matter whether you're judging it as a graphic novel or standard novel (it's still one of the few graphic novels to be included on Time Magazine's Top 100 Novels of All Time).

Moore managed to add a level of maturity and moral complexity to superheroes that was not close to being matched until about 20 years later and he did it all while simultaneously incorporating the Golden and Silver Ages of comics and showing us how the medium has evolved in the Modern Age.

For the uninitiated, "Watchmen" follows a group of former masked vigilantes in an alternate version of our own reality (one which sees the recently re-elected Richard Nixon serving his third term as president in 1985). When one of their own is murdered, the heroes' investigation into the motives behind his death and a suspected plot to rid the world of all of the former avengers uncovers a conspiracy with much larger ramifications. That said, the novel takes full advantage of the comic medium and is a perfectly singular, self-contained work. In addition to the main story, Moore includes “source material” (articles and books written by or about characters in the universe) at the end of each chapter and the comic-within-a-comic "Tales from the Black Freighter" to add further layers to the story, characterization, and general themes of the piece. As one can imagine, these extra quirks to the book along with the generally massive scope of the story can make the film difficult to adapt from page to screen.

Random bits

Last time I posted something, I was having big dreams of writing all kinds of entries on here about various items. Obviously, that never happened, so find a combination of all these things after the jump.

I’d Really Like to See…Green Lantern Done Right on the Big Screen

This originally appeared as part of Zoom In Online's weekly "I'd Really Like to See..." blog series.

Sequels, prequels, and remakes are the most prominent tools Hollywood has employed to make sure they don't have to think of anything original to do for the next 10 or 12 years. With the recent success of Iron Man and Christopher Nolan's resurrection of the Batman franchise, they can now add comic book films to their arsenal of tools to stifle originality. Still, just because something is adapted from source material doesn't mean it can't be good (once again, Nolan) and some of the upcoming comic book adaptations have potential to be really good.

Recent Interweb newsers are indicating that the next film from the DC Universe to be fast tracked at Warner Brothers may very well be Green Lantern, and why shouldn't it be? Green Lantern's history is just as storied and rich as either Batman's or Superman's and if nothing else, he's worth mentioning for his continuous penchant for pissing off the Caped Crusader with his ability to overcome great fear - the primary weapon of the Dark Knight. Rumor has it that Martin Campbell of Casino Royale fame is attached to direct a script from Eli Stone’s Marc Guggenheim. 

I have been delinquent

It's true, I've been neglecting the blog here. It may have something to do with buying Mario Kart Wii. For the sake of having everything in one place, I've written two blogs for Zoom In since my last post, and I'll probably write something else on here soon about how much I love The Wrestler and something making fun of the Friday the 13th remake.

But in the meantime, here is a bit about how the moviegoing experience and how we watch films in general has changed over the decades, and here I write about how Kristen Wiig should be in a romantic comedy (and how that genre's crappy in general). Seriously - imagine Virginia Horsen treking the globe in a hot air balloon trying to find her dream lover. It's romantic, right?

I’d Really Like to See…Kristen Wiig in a Romantic Comedy

This originally appeared as part of Zoom In Online's weekly "I'd Really Like to See..." blog series.

It's that time of year again. Love is in the air and Hallmark is cashing in on it. And of course, the fellows out there are more frequently getting roped into watching the lowest form of supposed American art: romantic-comedies. There are exceptions to the rule that rom-coms are awful - The Wedding Singer, There's Something About Mary, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Forgetting Sarah Marshall - but these are few and far between. Seriously, if I see one more lame rom-com, I swear to the Lord I will slay it.

Actually no, that would be far too much slaying. Romantic-comedies are one of the genres that studios can and do mass produce because they can be made on the cheap and follow a simple formula (is it ironic or sad that this can also be said about the horror genre?). Directing my efforts to slaying rom-coms would require a Batman-like dedication and frankly, I have neither the time, finances, nor British butler to accommodate such demands. It seems something needs to happen to mix it up a bit with the rom-coms. I'm not necessarily talking about just making it movies guys can like, but movies that are actually hilarious. Enter: Kristen Wiig.

Um.. WHAT!?

Anybody who's been keeping an eye on the Oscar pools here know that we've been expecting big things for The Dark Knight in the nominations today. But where was it?! Nearly NOWHERE!! The big categories it was considered a contender in - Best Picture, Director, and Adapted Screenplay - completely shut it out.

And none of us were just predicting this as crazed Batman fans. Take a quick look at just about any noted and respected Oscar pundit's website (The Envelope at the LA Times is a good example) and they were in agreement. Add to that the fact it was recognized as one of the year's top films by National Board of Review, American Film Institute, and the Writers, Directors, and Producers Guilds -- all of these are incredibly reliable bellwethers to what's going to end up among the nominees. I'd also like to think I built up a pretty good argument for it winning the whole thing here.

Other surprises at a glance:
-Michael Shannon got a supporting nod. That guy rocks. I love how everybody cheered at the nominations for him.
-The Boss neglected for his song from The Wrestler? Somewhat surprised Gran Torino's song was shut out of that, too.
-Just about every nomination The Reader had. Nothing against the film itself, but that built up some steam out of nowhere.
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Alan Moore still hates everything

I was reading the newest issue of Wizard and it looks like they got comic book legend Alan Moore to come out of his cave to say some words about what he thought about some shows on television. Normally this is the kind of thing where an artist talks about different shows they like and why the like it, but apparently Moore just hates everything, except for The Wire and South Park.

I’d Really Like to See…’The Dark Knight’ Take the Gold

This originally appeared as part of Zoom In Online's weekly "I'd Really Like to See..." blog series.

In recent years, it seems that there’s a certain ‘type’ of movie that racks up the nominations in the Oscar race and some others that get shunned altogether. You could pick out most of these overlooked categories individually: aside from whatever is “this year’s Juno/Little Miss Sunshine,” comedies are ignored; fantasy films are ignored (with the recent exception of Return of the King getting an Oscar to award Peter Jackson for the cumulative achievement of his massive undertaking); and crime films will most likely be ignored despite The Departed trying to make up for all the times Scorsese has deserved his Oscar in the past. A lot of people are clamoring for WALL-E to get a nod, but it’s going to be secluded to the ‘animation ghetto’ of the Best Animated Picture category for a consolation prize. 

I’d like to categorize all of these diverse films under the umbrella of “the popcorn film.” Not to discredit all ‘popcorn’ films, but they are, on the surface, the type of film that’s accessible to the common moviegoer and do not require a lot of thought to ingest them. However, many may have their own layers of motifs, recurring themes, and character ticks that provide extra substance for the more analytical viewer.