WWE presents In Your House: Empty Arena

Greetings, friends.

As you may have noticed it's been quite some time since I've been active on the ol' Blogger. However, recent going-ons at WWE have baffled me and drawn me out of the woodwork.

I haven't watched terribly much wrestling in recent years, with a good portion of that reason being that I don't have cable and another being that I haven't exactly been too impressed with what I've seen, but I do try to keep up on what's happening because I still like to try watching Wrestlemania or Royal Rumble if the opportunity comes around.

"I'm Wilford Brimley. I love my flowers."

Today I was walking down Bleecker Street when some fellow walked past me with an amusing shirt featuring an illustration of Wilford Brimley that simply read "Diabeetus." And yes, it made me laugh, but my friends and I were laughing at Wilford Brimley long before that. See, back in the day we'd sit around watching Viva Variety and await commercials with Mr. Brimley selling a gardening tool called the Leverage Digger, proclaiming "Hi folks. I'm Wilford Brimley. I love m'flowers." Dick Clark was in another one that was pretty good where he sold Isis Cellular Phones, harkening "Pick up the phone, America -- it's for you!" And of course I can't forget the infomercials of crazy-ass Jay Kordich (pictured above with his woman) and his Juiceman Juicers, which promised immortality. They never explicitly proimsed eternal life, but given that Kordich, the Juiceman's inventer, is probably old enough to have surfed in the killer waves that resulted in Moses parting the Red Sea, I've always been under that impression.

Anyway, all this reminiscing made me have an epiphany: "My friends and I are ten years more advanced than the rest of the world."

Load the spaceship with rocket fuel! Load it with the Warriors!

Today at work I needed to clear out the ol' noggin with a good laugh. If you ask me and several other people, there are very few things in this world that are more reliable for a laugh than old wrestling promos as done by the Ultimate Warrior. For non-wrestling fans, he's probably the reason you dismiss sports entertainment so easily. For wrestling fans, you know him as the classic figure who says random shit and is now a radical right wing weirdo who says things like "Queering doesn't make the world work."

But again -- there was a time when he would say things that are funny just because he's a lunatic ranting and raving.Video analysis after the jump.

Mormans.. Whoa those mormons!

Mormans are always good for a laugh one way or another. From the stories of my dad just getting home from working night crew with his buddies in the early morning and inviting the door-to-door mormons to watch porn and have a beer with them, to Dan Dieteman's dad's classy Sinatra-esque "Mormons" ditty, to Orgazmo's mormon-turned-superhero Joe Young, it's not hard to find amusement with the topic.

But now I'm finding something that takes the cake. As I type, dear reader, I sit on the subway surrounded by mormons. Not in the sense that I'm on a crowded train and I'm the only one not wearing black dress pants, white dress shirt and a tie, but there is a group of three sitting in a triangle formation communicating with sign language across the train.

Post party note

Big thanks to everyone who came to the party last night. It was quite a success, as just about everything was eaten which means my father will have the good fortune of not being forced to eat beef sandwiches for the next three weeks.

So I think about three people walked into the door, and Andy put an end to his mortal enemy at last.

A lot of people assumed it was a graduation party, but it really wasn't. That's cool though, because I got some cards. I got a particularly lovely card from my grandmother congratulating me on graduating... but from high school, not grad school. There was twenty bucks in it, so that's cool anyway.

Holczman = C3-PO

This is something I've been pondering for sometime, and I think it deserves to be examined. I'm sure most people who went to Olean remember Mr. Holczman. However, it wasn't until I was trying to describe him to somebody at school when I realized just how much he resembled C3-PO of Star Wars fame. First, let us look at a side-by-side comparison:


What a pair. First, I would have to say that their biggest physical similarity from a still photograph would be how much fear is instilled in their eyes. Threepio is clearly frightened by the surrounding Galactic Civil War, while Holczman is looking like he's ready to jump out the window after a greuling day at the urban war turf that is Olean High.

I always get a kick of these guys when they react to trouble, mainly Holczman. I fondly remember the day in the Senior Commons before it was devastated at the hands of the class of 2003 when Francie Yehl and Sara MacDonald were in some sort of fight, which was mostly messing around, but looked angrier than it actually was. Holczman's prompt response was to stand up flailing his arms ranting, "What do I do? What do I do!?" I can only imagine the hilarity if he actually was a droid, because then he could be dismantled by some Storm Troopers in Bespin and be put back together by Chewbacca, who in OHS terms would most likely end up being Mrs. Balaban.

This leads in to how similar their mannerisms are. In a nutshell, they are both helpless fools. C3-PO's reaction to Bail Organa's order in Revenge of the Sith to have Threepio's memory is a pretty accurate representation to Holczman's reaction to Nary throwing an entire ping-pong table at Jimmy. The only difference is that Holczman didn't actually utter the words, "Oh no."

Of course, where there is C3-PO, there must be R2D2. Although I never actually saw this teacher pal around with Holczman, I think he can be a good OHS representation of R2D2:


Although Mr. Kopko (pictured here with winningest coach in Bills history Marv Levy) isn't quite as lovable as Artoo, he is a short and round fellow who I always saw wheeling around the halls of OHS. He wasn't literally wheeling, but he seemed to be power-walking usually and that was close enough to fit my criteria. In addition to this, he was always making some weird sounds that didn't quite make sense. I'm sure Holczman's worked with him long enough to fullfill his protocol droid purposes to translate "blip bleep bloop" to the typical Kopko-fashioned "POSEEEEIIIIDON!!!"