It's true, I've been neglecting the blog here. It may have something to do with buying Mario Kart Wii. For the sake of having everything in one place, I've written two blogs for Zoom In since my last post, and I'll probably write something else on here soon about how much I love The Wrestler and something making fun of the Friday the 13th remake.
But in the meantime, here is a bit about how the moviegoing experience and how we watch films in general has changed over the decades, and here I write about how Kristen Wiig should be in a romantic comedy (and how that genre's crappy in general). Seriously - imagine Virginia Horsen treking the globe in a hot air balloon trying to find her dream lover. It's romantic, right?
Showing posts with label snl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label snl. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Friday, August 22, 2008
"I'm Wilford Brimley. I love my flowers."
Today I was walking down Bleecker Street when some fellow walked past me with an amusing shirt featuring an illustration of Wilford Brimley that simply read "Diabeetus." And yes, it made me laugh, but my friends and I were laughing at Wilford Brimley long before that. See, back in the day we'd sit around watching Viva Variety and await commercials with Mr. Brimley selling a gardening tool called the Leverage Digger, proclaiming "Hi folks. I'm Wilford Brimley. I love m'flowers." Dick Clark was in another one that was pretty good where he sold Isis Cellular Phones, harkening "Pick up the phone, America -- it's for you!" And of course I can't forget the infomercials of crazy-ass Jay Kordich (pictured above with his woman) and his Juiceman Juicers, which promised immortality. They never explicitly proimsed eternal life, but given that Kordich, the Juiceman's inventer, is probably old enough to have surfed in the killer waves that resulted in Moses parting the Red Sea, I've always been under that impression.Anyway, all this reminiscing made me have an epiphany: "My friends and I are ten years more advanced than the rest of the world."
Monday, March 17, 2008
Cartoons in my day...
Remember how easy it was to get a cartoon and, in turn, a toy line based off of your movie back in the 80's? Allow me a moment to reflect on some franchises that did:
Who on this planet said, "You know that guy with the triangle that Martin Short plays on SNL and SCTV? Wouldn't that make a great cartoon?" Part of me believes that Seth Brundle aka Brundlefly (the lead character from Cronenberg's The Fly) was programming Saturday mornings for my generation. After all, he did say that his life story would make "a phenomenal children's book." Either that or there were way more drugs around in the Eighties than I was ever led to believe.
Regardless of who it was, what happened to the children's entertainment guru who decided an X-rated film like Robocop and a crazed Vietnam vet would make wonderful cartoons/toylines? Probably fired, because if they were still in business I'm sure our Saturday mornings would be graced with such out of place entries as The Matrix, Jason Bourne, and even Darkman if you want to go back a few years further.
If you are reading this now, drugged-out-children's-programmer or Brundlefly, I have a few things that would be great to see on the screen. As much as I'd like to be hired as a writer on each of these ideas, I think I would be happy enough to see some favorite franchises of mine grace the screen for the younger generations.
There Will Be.. Learning! This probably makes more sense than any of the other ideas. You may not believe that a belligerent old coot like Daniel Plainview would be appropriate for children's programming, but if you've seen There Will Be Blood, you know that Daniel Plainview has a particular fondness for children. As he so eloquently put it, children mean schools. Schools mean education. It only makes sense to put Daniel Plainview in his own Mr. Wizard-style series.
The Adventures of El Mariachi and the Blind Gunman I'm pretty sure this could actually have happened if Robert Rodriguez made his Mariachi Trilogy ten years earlier. Couldn't you picture El and Agent Sands traveling from one impoverished town to another in Mexico saving the poor citizens from the Big Bad? Seems kind of like an A-Team style story to me.
Quantum Leap: The Animated Series This doesn't really fit into the "inappropriate cartoon
adaptation" category. I would just be really happy if Quantum Leap came back somehow. If it did.... oh boy.
Trapped in the Classroom (with Lil' R. Kelly & Pals) A lot of people who look into Trapped in the Closet more than they should (such as myself) say that the epic hip-hopera is a morality play of sorts. And if there's one thing we need to teach our children about, it's good morals. In my time, we learned our morals from an episode of Full House, but I think I would have listened a little bit more if our morality plays had some soul to them. Turning characters such as Sylvester, Chuck, Rufus, Gwendolyn, Twan, Pimp Luscious, Bridget, The Ghost of Christmas Past, and Big Man (especially Big Man) into tykes in a classroom would translate pretty well. Think of some sort of twisted version of Muppet Babies, but with singing the whole time and Rosie the Nosy Neighbor as Nanny. And a lot of the storylines could switch over easily as well. For example, instead of seeing the consequences of cheating on your spouse getting you the p-p-p-package or something to that effect, you would learn about the consequences of cheating on a test.
If you are reading this, Mr. Brundlefly, please go back to your post at Kids WB. Take heed of my words and make some quality children's programming again. For all I care, you could make Takashi Miike films into a cartoon. I beg you of this, because I know that when I bring children into this world, I would much rather sit them in front of something like Ichi and the Yakuza Squad rather instead of something that will forever ruin their attention spans like Johnny Test.
- Beetlejuice
- Chuck Norris
- Ed Grimley
- Hulk Hogan
- Little Shop of Horrors
- Planet of the Apes
- Rambo
- Robocop
- Teen Wolf
- Toxic Avengers
Who on this planet said, "You know that guy with the triangle that Martin Short plays on SNL and SCTV? Wouldn't that make a great cartoon?" Part of me believes that Seth Brundle aka Brundlefly (the lead character from Cronenberg's The Fly) was programming Saturday mornings for my generation. After all, he did say that his life story would make "a phenomenal children's book." Either that or there were way more drugs around in the Eighties than I was ever led to believe.
Regardless of who it was, what happened to the children's entertainment guru who decided an X-rated film like Robocop and a crazed Vietnam vet would make wonderful cartoons/toylines? Probably fired, because if they were still in business I'm sure our Saturday mornings would be graced with such out of place entries as The Matrix, Jason Bourne, and even Darkman if you want to go back a few years further.If you are reading this now, drugged-out-children's-programmer or Brundlefly, I have a few things that would be great to see on the screen. As much as I'd like to be hired as a writer on each of these ideas, I think I would be happy enough to see some favorite franchises of mine grace the screen for the younger generations.
There Will Be.. Learning! This probably makes more sense than any of the other ideas. You may not believe that a belligerent old coot like Daniel Plainview would be appropriate for children's programming, but if you've seen There Will Be Blood, you know that Daniel Plainview has a particular fondness for children. As he so eloquently put it, children mean schools. Schools mean education. It only makes sense to put Daniel Plainview in his own Mr. Wizard-style series.The Adventures of El Mariachi and the Blind Gunman I'm pretty sure this could actually have happened if Robert Rodriguez made his Mariachi Trilogy ten years earlier. Couldn't you picture El and Agent Sands traveling from one impoverished town to another in Mexico saving the poor citizens from the Big Bad? Seems kind of like an A-Team style story to me.
Quantum Leap: The Animated Series This doesn't really fit into the "inappropriate cartoon
adaptation" category. I would just be really happy if Quantum Leap came back somehow. If it did.... oh boy.Trapped in the Classroom (with Lil' R. Kelly & Pals) A lot of people who look into Trapped in the Closet more than they should (such as myself) say that the epic hip-hopera is a morality play of sorts. And if there's one thing we need to teach our children about, it's good morals. In my time, we learned our morals from an episode of Full House, but I think I would have listened a little bit more if our morality plays had some soul to them. Turning characters such as Sylvester, Chuck, Rufus, Gwendolyn, Twan, Pimp Luscious, Bridget, The Ghost of Christmas Past, and Big Man (especially Big Man) into tykes in a classroom would translate pretty well. Think of some sort of twisted version of Muppet Babies, but with singing the whole time and Rosie the Nosy Neighbor as Nanny. And a lot of the storylines could switch over easily as well. For example, instead of seeing the consequences of cheating on your spouse getting you the p-p-p-package or something to that effect, you would learn about the consequences of cheating on a test.
If you are reading this, Mr. Brundlefly, please go back to your post at Kids WB. Take heed of my words and make some quality children's programming again. For all I care, you could make Takashi Miike films into a cartoon. I beg you of this, because I know that when I bring children into this world, I would much rather sit them in front of something like Ichi and the Yakuza Squad rather instead of something that will forever ruin their attention spans like Johnny Test.
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