Um, did Superman and Lois just uh.....

Wednesday is probably the most notable day in my week because it's when comic books come out. Today I was reading Superman #679, and DC has been giving me high hopes for this new writer on the book because he's apparently been working closely with Man-god Geoff Johns, but there was something strange a-brewing in the latest issue.

Usually it's hard to avoid looking at a splash page or a half page panel before getting the whole picture. This is one instance where it was particularly gross. The last panel of the second page was this, and again, since the panel is so big this is the only thing I saw:

So I see that image and my inner monologue voice changes to that of Stan Hooper, a character Norm MacDonald plays on his comedy album who works at the Daily Planet in a sketch. Stan Hooper is in my head saying, "So.. those are some nice underwear you've got there, Lois."

But something more is amiss here....

"I'm Wilford Brimley. I love my flowers."

Today I was walking down Bleecker Street when some fellow walked past me with an amusing shirt featuring an illustration of Wilford Brimley that simply read "Diabeetus." And yes, it made me laugh, but my friends and I were laughing at Wilford Brimley long before that. See, back in the day we'd sit around watching Viva Variety and await commercials with Mr. Brimley selling a gardening tool called the Leverage Digger, proclaiming "Hi folks. I'm Wilford Brimley. I love m'flowers." Dick Clark was in another one that was pretty good where he sold Isis Cellular Phones, harkening "Pick up the phone, America -- it's for you!" And of course I can't forget the infomercials of crazy-ass Jay Kordich (pictured above with his woman) and his Juiceman Juicers, which promised immortality. They never explicitly proimsed eternal life, but given that Kordich, the Juiceman's inventer, is probably old enough to have surfed in the killer waves that resulted in Moses parting the Red Sea, I've always been under that impression.

Anyway, all this reminiscing made me have an epiphany: "My friends and I are ten years more advanced than the rest of the world."

I don't envy this kid very much

My friend Heather recently put an amusing screen cap on her blog of a crazy looking kid from a Kidz Bop video (which you may take a look at here), and it made me think of some of these people who I'd be really embarrassed to be if I happened to get caught in a funny-looking position on a national level program. Remember that girl in the audience who cried through an entire episode of American Idol because she just really, really liked Sanjay? And remember that one other guy who cried on the season finale of American Idol one year? I don't even watch the show and I know about that.

But for some reason, before I even thought of that show, looking at Kidz Bop Kid made me think of this one kid who was just really overwhelmed at Wrestlemania 7, who you shall see after the jump.

Samsploitation, or: How I Learned To Talk Really Really Loud and Love the Snakes

Back in the day, there were all sorts of fun subgenres that would be categorized with the umbrella of 'exploitation films.' Anybody that's in NYC can head to St. Mark's Place for a visit to Kim's Video to check out some of these subgenres: blaxsploitation, chixploitation (with its own subgenre 'women in prison'), hicksploitation, apesploitation, and my personal favorite "[Charles] Bronson Is God."

Now it's beginning to come to my attention that there is a new exploitation subgenre on the rise. In fact, it's been around for years, but I'm going to stick my flag in it and declare its existence: Samsploitation.

Battle for the Cowl: Brando's Pick

This is a big year for Batman (aka best fictional character ever). Most people on the planet know about some movie with the character that came out over the summer, but in addition to that there are some big shakeups going on in the comic book in a story called Batman R.I.P., written by the comic world's own resident acid tripper/former transvestite/general crazy man Grant Morrison. While the R.I.P. doesn't necessarily stand for "Rest In Peace," DC is certainly leading us to believe Bruce Wayne will not be Batman when the story is done after releasing this teaser image for the follow-up arc, titled "Battle for the Cowl:"


First, it seems kinda random and crazy that they added Catwoman to that. Second, I think it would have been crazier to add Two Face (he did defend Gotham during 52), or WAY CRAZIER and put Joker on there.. just for shits and giggs. But regardless, I don't think any of those people are going to end up taking over for Bruce Wayne. There is only one person who makes plenty of sense to me, although I doubt it will actually happen: Martian Manhunter. Why do I think that? Read on, True Believers.