UPDATE: Nick Sprague is a Communist

When going to The Apartment tonight, I was disappointed to find out that Nick Sprague had already came and left this momentous occasion. Having been looking towards this epic debate, I immediately called him up. He replied by saying, "I'm scared of you, Brandon." Regardless, I pushed him into admitting why he preferred The Phantom Menace among the other prequels. In a nutshell, he found the lightsaber fight at the end of The Phantom Menace* to be the most exciting event, and I pointed out that a scene does not make an entire movie good. After some conversing, he admitted he was wrong. While it would appear his preference leans towars The Phantom Menace, I made him realize that it was the inferior film.

*While I do enjoy the action in Revenge of the Sith, I may be inclined to agree that Qui-Gon & Obi-Wan v. Darth Maul may be the best lightsaber fight of the series. However, I have yet to watch all of the fights in the vicinity of each other to properly compare them.

Nick Sprague is a Communist

CAN YOU TRUST THIS MAN?

Look at Nick Sprague up there. What a creep. Can you trust a creep like that? I could, but not completely. Then you find out he claims that The Phantom Menace is the best of the Star Wars prequels. Can I still trust him? Certainly not any farther than I can throw him!

That is why I plan on crushing him with my New Powers in the Saturday Night Debate Special tonight. Somebody needs to give him some humility before we take formerly good movie recommendations like The Way of the Gun and have him use his Phantom Menace Mind Trickery to make us end up watching movies that are much like The Phantom Menace: foolish movies that pander towards children. Do you want to live in a world where you have people like Nick Sprague telling you to watch movies like Baby's Day Out or 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up? I think not!

Holczman = C3-PO

This is something I've been pondering for sometime, and I think it deserves to be examined. I'm sure most people who went to Olean remember Mr. Holczman. However, it wasn't until I was trying to describe him to somebody at school when I realized just how much he resembled C3-PO of Star Wars fame. First, let us look at a side-by-side comparison:


What a pair. First, I would have to say that their biggest physical similarity from a still photograph would be how much fear is instilled in their eyes. Threepio is clearly frightened by the surrounding Galactic Civil War, while Holczman is looking like he's ready to jump out the window after a greuling day at the urban war turf that is Olean High.

I always get a kick of these guys when they react to trouble, mainly Holczman. I fondly remember the day in the Senior Commons before it was devastated at the hands of the class of 2003 when Francie Yehl and Sara MacDonald were in some sort of fight, which was mostly messing around, but looked angrier than it actually was. Holczman's prompt response was to stand up flailing his arms ranting, "What do I do? What do I do!?" I can only imagine the hilarity if he actually was a droid, because then he could be dismantled by some Storm Troopers in Bespin and be put back together by Chewbacca, who in OHS terms would most likely end up being Mrs. Balaban.

This leads in to how similar their mannerisms are. In a nutshell, they are both helpless fools. C3-PO's reaction to Bail Organa's order in Revenge of the Sith to have Threepio's memory is a pretty accurate representation to Holczman's reaction to Nary throwing an entire ping-pong table at Jimmy. The only difference is that Holczman didn't actually utter the words, "Oh no."

Of course, where there is C3-PO, there must be R2D2. Although I never actually saw this teacher pal around with Holczman, I think he can be a good OHS representation of R2D2:


Although Mr. Kopko (pictured here with winningest coach in Bills history Marv Levy) isn't quite as lovable as Artoo, he is a short and round fellow who I always saw wheeling around the halls of OHS. He wasn't literally wheeling, but he seemed to be power-walking usually and that was close enough to fit my criteria. In addition to this, he was always making some weird sounds that didn't quite make sense. I'm sure Holczman's worked with him long enough to fullfill his protocol droid purposes to translate "blip bleep bloop" to the typical Kopko-fashioned "POSEEEEIIIIDON!!!"