Hunger Games: The Succulent Sixteen

In honor of both the impending release of The Hunger Games and March Madness, it only seemed appropriate to create a March Madness bracket to commemorate these two stars aligning. Disclaimer: this is based on my current knowledge of what The Hunger Games is, which is none. I assume it's some sort of food battle though.

That said, I proudly present to you The Succulent Sixteen. Mainly because I couldn't think of 64 food icons and personalities or how to put them into divisions.

The Succulent Sixteen

You can click that bracket to make it bigger, but for convenience, here are the different divisions and the competitors. Seeding is done by my discretion, which is why an obscure Gremlins 2 character has a higher seed than the Swedish Chef.

Notorious Food Lovers Division
1. Adam Richman - I wish I was half as passionate about anything as the Man v. Food host is about cuisine.
2. Paula Deen - Loves food so much she ate herself into diabetes.
3. Kobayashi - The man can eat hot dogs like nobody's business.
4. Barefoot Contessa - Nobody else can make a living out of loafing about enjoying food like this lady. At least, I think that's what she does.

Icon and Restaraunteur Division
1. Colonel Sanders - This man mass produced a recipe for chicken that's so good the KFC in my hometown ran out the day they reopened.
2. Slap Chop Guy - He may be a sleazeball, and I don't think he actually created the device, but boy does he talk it up a good game.
3. Bob Evans - This is the next best breakfast chain to IHOP. But IHOP doesn't have a name, so Bob Evans it is.
4 Mr. Food - He's the guy you see talking about on the news with a beard that says "Ooh, it's so good!"

Imaginary Culinist Division
1. Microwave With Marge - Ill-fated TV chef from Gremlins 2.
2. Swedish Chef - Yerupa doop a boop doop.
3. Chef - Specializes in salisbury steak for the children of South Park. Also, Scientology.
4. Jack Tripper - Three's Company character who always got into wacky misunderstandings. Lived like a playa (aka with two chicks).

Savory Symbol Division
1. Mr. Stay Puft - Physical manifestation of Gozer. Fond memory from the childhood of Ray Stantz.
2. "Original" Ray - Innovator of New York City pizza who I'm convinced is an urban legend.
3. Willy Wonka - Creepy candy dude.
4. Long John Silver - Fisherman who may have terrorized Jennifer Love Hewitt in a movie a couple times.

The Stupidest Movies of 2011

This was my snap review of Robots! in 3D.

Since I don't get paid to write about movies like many of the people I associate with, I have absolutely no obligation to see every film that comes out which allows me to curate my moviegoing decisions pretty well. Still, something will often slip through the cracks or my morbid curiosity will get the better of me so I always have a solid list of stinkers each year. Here are the movies that insulted my intelligence the most in 2011, presented in alphabetical odor order.

Digital comics are a good thing

I’ve been mulling over the big DC Comics announcement from yesterday and bemoaning a lot of things this presents from a storytelling standpoint (what will happen to Dick Grayson and all of the development Grant Morrison has given him? will there still be a Justice League International book?).  This has distracted me, and surely others, from considering the impact of the other half of that announcement - that DC Comics will be releasing their comics in a digital format the same day as the print editions are released

Brian Michael Bendis tweeted yesterday that it would kill local comic book shops.  That’s nonsense. It's simply a method to help facilitate a wider audience to have access to comics.

13 Year Old Me would have loved it.  In the wee town of Olean, NY, there’s a pretty tiny store that allegedly sells comics, but they really don’t get much in stock.  For example, when DC flagship event Blackest Night happened, I stopped in during my trip home for Christmastime to see if they had an issue and the guy working there had no clue what I was talking about.  The same goes with the frequency of theatrical releases becoming more readily available through video-on-demand while in theaters - Olean's movie theater would never play any arthouse films, and the closest theater that would is an hour and a half drive.  If technology like this prevents anyone in similar cultural dead zones from having to deal with a lack of access to things they're passionate about, I’m all for it.

Of course, Adult Me loves having a tangible product in his hands and is a compulsive collector of DVD's and comics. And since I live in a city where I can buy every comic that comes out each week, I’ll still be at my local comic book store every Wednesday. I know I’m not the only one.

I’d Really Like to See…Christopher Nolan Direct a Western

This originally appeared as part of Zoom In Online's weekly "I'd Really Like to See..." blog series on January 29, 2009... so don't expect this to mention Inception.

In his relatively short film career, Christopher Nolan has proven that he’s among the best filmmakers working today. He slowly gained notoriety for completely changing the way we look at film structure and the reliable narrator with Memento and in less than a decade of work he's helmed one of the biggest motion pictures of all time. While Nolan’s films typically share some similarities tonally and thematically, he’s proven he's admirably adept at directing a wide range of genres, from intimate thrillers such as Memento to big budget summer spectacles such as The Dark Knight. Taking into consideration his versatility and the characteristics seen in Nolan’s films, I’d like to see one of my favorite filmmakers diversify a bit further and take on one of my favorite, mostly forgotten genres: the Western.

I’d Really Like to See…A ‘King of Kong’ Feature Film

This originally appeared as part of Zoom In Online's weekly "I'd Really Like to See..." blog series on March 26, 2009.


Documentaries often have a stigma for being dry and boring. Although reality programs pass themselves off as a form of the documentary medium, they’re overly stylized, mostly scripted and forged to bring more entertainment value to the piece. Unfortunately, this often prevents people from giving docs a chance to open them up to worlds, often quirky, unbeknownst to them.

My personal favorite documentary is one that completely shatters these stereotypes of documentaries. The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters peers into the world of competitive Donkey Kong. While the concept seems silly and does not seem like a compelling subject for a documentary - there is, after all, a whole world ripe with socially, politically, emotionally relevant topics waiting to be discovered - the characters and their interactions turn out to be absolutely riveting.

I’d Really Like to See…’Criminal’ the Movie

This originally appeared as part of Zoom In Online's weekly "I'd Really Like to See..." blog series on February 26, 2009.

Most folks find comic books synonymous with superheroes. Considering how popular cinematic adaptations of Batman and Iron Man were this past year, it’s hard to separate the two. Many seem to forget that there was a time where the superhero genre was dormant in comics while other genres, such as horror comics from EC and adventuring comics (like those paid homage to in Watchmen’s comic-in-a-comic “Tales from the Black Freighter”), were more common to find in a long box than they are today. 

One of the best comics being released today is far from a superhero book. Writer Ed Brubaker and illustrator Sean Phillips bring pulp crime to four-color glory in their book “Criminal.” The “Criminal” books have a structure similar to beloved crime comic series “Sin City.” One thing that sets “Criminal” apart from “Sin City” (aside from the fact that Sean Phillips can draw really well, unlike Frank Miller) is that they waste no time setting up the mythology of their universe.